


Fine Line

by bonafied



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:09:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21658078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonafied/pseuds/bonafied
Summary: Neil gets sick enough to have to skip class, Todd worries far more than he should. It is what it is.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 21
Kudos: 187





	Fine Line

Todd knew how Neil hated to miss class, but good God, was he  _ sick _ . While just about every Welton student was guilty of having muddled through a cold or two for the sake of not falling behind, there was a stark contrast between their runny noses paired with rough coughs and Neil’s current inability to stand upright for more than a moment. 

"You can’t go to class like this,” Todd insisted, gesturing towards the general shape of Neil, who was sat in bed and absently thumbing at the button of his shirt. He’d been working at that one for the past few minutes or so, hands shaking too hard to finish the job. He didn’t seem to notice this, or just didn’t have the energy to care about anything that wasn’t the laborious process of hauling ass. 

"Sure I can,” came Neil’s mumbled reply, though it sounded much less like three words and much more like one noise. Perhaps if he weren’t deathly ill, he’d offer a shit-eating grin Todd’s way. Perhaps he’d be able to lift his head and look over to him, even. 

"No- I mean- you literally can’t. You aren’t physically able,” Todd sputtered, earning a quiet hum of acknowledgement from Neil. He couldn’t be sure, but it was almost like he was agreeing. Agreeing, while still fumbling with his clothes, forehead slick and shining with sweat. What a fine line, the line between admirable constitution and idiotic bullheadedness. Neil walked it with ease most of the time, and only now was he beginning to fall any one way. That way being the latter.

"Stop getting ready, just- just lay down, Jesus,” and finally, Neil paused.

Several apologies and a vomit cleanup later, Neil was convinced to slip back into bed, Todd biting his tongue to stop himself from saying that he told him so. It wasn’t too difficult to keep from gloating; Neil looked miserable. 

“I’ll get all your assignments and stuff,” Todd promised as he walked out the door, looking back to Neil, who was mostly concealed by his blanket at that point. He responded with something akin to thanks, and Todd could forgive him for not articulating. 

Though Todd left Neil behind and went to class on his own, he found that he couldn’t stop worrying over him. As he wrote notes for Latin, he knew that he’d be fine. As he pretended to listen to other students read their poetry, he knew that he’d be fine. Yet, he couldn’t help but feel bad for having left him alone. It didn’t help that he kept getting asked what was wrong with Neil, why he hadn’t come.

“Must be damn near terminal if it’s enough to get him to skip,” Charlie had helpfully posited, making Todd’s nerves tighten all the more. “I mean, he hasn’t missed class since- ah, help me out here, guys.”

"Definitely not since freshman year,” Meeks said, musing over his lunch. A quick glance at Todd, however, and he backpedaled a touch. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, though. Probably just a virus going around.” 

Todd had been about to say that he already knew that when Cameron pitched in.

“They probably said the same thing about the Black Plague,” and this earned him a bewildered look from most of the group, while Todd’s was more distressed.

“No they fucking didn’t,” Charlie said, waving his hand. “There were creepy doctors walking around in goddamned bird masks, do you really think they were calm about the whole thing?”

“How could you tell if they were calm or not? With the masks, I mean,” was the last thing Todd heard before he promptly left the cafeteria. 

It wasn't as if he thought Neil was dying or anything, not really. He just wanted to check on him, that was all. Make sure he was doing as alright as he could be. 

Todd opened the door to their bedroom as quietly as he could manage, peeking in to find that Neil was just about the same as he'd left him, and Todd intended to keep him as such. He was fixing to draw back to the lunchroom when he heard his name in a soft, soft voice. 

"Todd?" Neil had asked blearily, casting a tired look over to him. His hair was mussed up from sleeping on it oddly, and his face was white as the bedsheets it was pressed up against. Todd wanted to wrap him up further in his comforter and hold him until he fell asleep once more. 

"Just making sure you were okay," and Todd was ashamed of how embarrassing that felt to say. Why was it humiliating to worry? Why was there shame to feeling? 

The embarrassment quickly melted away when Neil gave him a sleepy smile. He said nothing more, shutting his eyes again. Todd watched his breathing slip into a regular rhythm, watched his chest rise and fall steadily, and he decided to stay. 

Neil could always get his assignments from his other friends, and it just felt wrong to leave again, especially when Neil had looked so touched that Todd had come at all. So, Todd stayed, climbing into his own bed and settling a textbook in his lap, that way he could at least pretend he was going to do something other than hover over Neil. Nobody came to check in on them, but Todd was more worried about Neil waking up to being stared at. 

It was when the sky was just beginning to gray that Neil roused, turning on his side to face Todd with that same tired smile. 

"W'time is it?" He murmured, to which Todd shrugged. 

"Classes are done by now, if that's what you're thinking." And Neil laughed quietly at that, because isn't it funny how well Todd knows him? 

"Thanks for making me stay behind," he said, looking to Todd with hazy eyes. "Keeping me company, too."

So Neil knew that he ended up staying. Todd supposed he wasn't sleeping as much as he'd thought. Did that mean he saw him staring? Neil said something else, something incoherent. 

"What?" Todd asked, prompting Neil to laugh again. He looked so small, curled up under the covers. And, though sick, he still held a certain glow. It must have something to do with how he smiled. 

“Said, you’re a really good friend,” he said, smile still lingering on his features. “I think… You care a lot. It’s sweet.” 

Todd knew he was giving Neil a funny look. 

“I- of course I do, why wouldn’t I?” 

Neil just made a noncommittal sound, the sort that said that that was a topic too heavy-handed to delve into just then. Maybe later, it said, but not now. 

“You should go back to sleep,” Todd spoke up again, dutifully not pushing the subject. Neil’s eyes were already half-lidded, but he shook his head all the same.

“I’ll miss you, though,” he said, and Todd felt his heart constrict. Sometimes, Todd wondered if Neil just said things to get a rise out of him, but it didn’t seem that way this time around. There wasn’t that impish quality to Neil’s eyes, just a suffocating honesty. It made Todd shift his weight where he was sitting, nervous under the gaze of sincerity. 

“I’ll still be here,” Todd offered, and Neil nodded.

“Yeah, I guess.” Which, to Todd, meant yes, but that’s not enough. And, Todd was used to not being enough-- good God, was he used to not being enough, but this was different. This wasn’t a matter of wanting more from him, but rather more of him. At least, Todd hoped that was what Neil meant. 

“What do you want me to do?” And the question was phrased as a joke, because what could he do? Yet, the tone didn’t quite reach, and now it sounded like an earnest request. Please, please, tell me what I can do for you. He followed up with a nervous laugh, since that always helped lift the air, didn’t it? Todd could’ve kicked himself. 

“Dunno, I was just saying,” Neil murmured, pulling his blanket farther over himself. “Doesn’t matter what I want anyways, I’m gonna pass out again soon.” 

The feeling of sadness that statement gave Todd was inexplicable. 

“I can sit with you,” he offered, before his shyness could take it back. Neil gave him a bit of a look at first, one that he couldn't quite place. It soon shifted to another smile, and Todd decided that it looked almost hopeful. 

"Could you?" Neil asked, and Todd nodded nearly involuntarily. "That'd be really great, thanks. Here, I'll-" Neil slid closer to the wall to make room for Todd, who tentatively came over. 

"Wait," Neil said, furrowing his brow, though his gaze remained somewhat unfocused. "I don't wanna get you sick."

Todd wasn't all too keen on getting sick either, but he was even less keen on not giving Neil what he wanted. 

"It's fine," he said, settling next to Neil and leaning his back against the wall. "Don't worry."

Neil looked to him as if he was his one and only savior. 

"You're so good," Neil said, tone holding a sense of fascination, reverence. "So good." 

Todd swallowed thickly, looking anywhere that wasn't Neil's soft gaze. When he finally gathered the courage to look to him again, his eyes were, thankfully, shut. 

Strands of Neil's bangs clung to his forehead, held by beads of sweat, and Todd, certain that Neil had already gone to sleep again, reached out and swept them away. He faltered when Neil hummed, but his heart was spared when he didn't rouse. The problem was that the pieces of hair were too short to keep aside for long, and after a couple more tries, Todd realized that he was just stroking Neil's hair. And Neil, though dozing peacefully, seemed to lean into his touch. 

Todd couldn't say how long he'd been doing that before, still fast asleep, Neil slung his arm over his stomach, pressing his cheek into his side. He looked to Neil in bewilderment, who offered no response. Just gentle, steady breathing. 

He wished Neil weren't sick, for obvious reasons. With that, he wished he wasn't sick, and that this was just something that they did without prompting. Could they be that close of friends, Todd wondered? He'd be willing to let it be a friendly activity, so long as it happened at all. 

Observing Neil as he slept, Todd felt a bit strange, as if he were violating his privacy. He wasn't, of course he wasn't, yet… Neil just looked so tranquil, unplagued by his usual, waking worries. No hint of despair, however hidden he liked to keep it. Only a calm restfulness that emanated from his form. 

Neil shifted, and Todd jerked his hand back. Eyes fluttering open, Neil seemed a tad confused at first, then his bemusement was replaced with a delighted smile. 

"You're still here," he mumbled, sleepy grin playing on his lips. "Thas' good."

In reply, Todd moved his hand back into Neil's hair, tentatively running his fingers through it a second time over. Neil just sighed, and despite himself, Todd thought of decadence. 

"Thought you'd leave when I fell 'sleep," Neil continued, and Todd saw the way his cheek squished up around his eye from being smushed against him. It made him want to cry, it was so sweet. Cry, and pull Neil up closer and never let him go for the world. 

"I didn't wanna wake you up on accident or anything," Todd said, and he guessed it wasn't a lie. It just so happened to omit that he was very happy to be there as well. 

"Thas' so nice," Neil murmured, thumbing the fabric of Todd's sweater and most definitely not noticing how his face reddened. It seemed that he didn't notice a lot of how Todd responded to him. Thank God. "Hey, Todd?"

Todd saw that Neil had closed his eyes again, ready to drift off. 

"Yeah?" He asked, ready to fulfill a request, ready to do anything that Neil asked of him.

Neil smiled lazily. 

"I love you." 

"What?"

"Love you. I love you."

That wasn't the last of it, because Neil kept muttering it to himself, like it was a song to help him sleep. 

"I-" Todd stammered, suddenly pale enough to rival Neil's current state. "Uh- Ah-" 

Neil had gone quiet, slipping into dreams, that Todd hoped were good. 

"Oh," he said, softly disappointed that he'd missed his opportunity. "I love you too," he said anyways, not that it counted. 

If Neil remembered saying that, Todd knew he would have to let him know his reply. He doubted he'd recall, though, and that was as comforting as it was disheartening. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> idek if this is good I just spent too long on it to not post it. please leave comments and kudos if you're so inclined <3


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